Separation Anxiety Without Much Separation

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Mommy's relaxing alone time is all set to begin.

The bathroom is warm and steam-filled, just how I like it. I've finished running a bath for myself and adding a few drops of eucalyptus essential oil. It smells absolutely heavenly. I've got a magazine to read, a chilled glass of wine, and comfy pjs to put on when I'm done. Baby is fed, freshly diapered, and asleep so this time is all mine.

As soon as I finish lowering myself in to the water and have gotten my shoulders wet, I hear the faint wail of Baby cries. And just like that, the relaxation is out the window.

The first few times this happened, I considered just getting out of the tub right then and there. Why try relaxing at all? Baby needed me to hold him and rock him back to sleep or nurse him until he was relaxed.

But I stuck it out. Sure I wasn't relaxing anymore, but I needed an hour to myself.
Hubby's got this, and Baby needs to learn how to spend a little time away from Mommy.

The crying would increase, and I could hear Hubby still shooting things on Call of Duty. I'd get irritated as Baby would cry and cry, getting louder each time.
I'd be holding him by now if I weren't in the tub.
Just as I was on the verge of wanting to yell at Hubby, I'd hear him dash down the hall passed the bathroom and comforting Baby. Hubby doesn't hear as well as I do.

Some days Hubby didn't get him to quiet, but I knew he was there with him. So I kept taking baths.

None of them were relaxing.

Until last night's bath.

I desperately needed this one to work. Baby has started teething, at least he's showing early symptoms and has been extra fussy lately. Bedtime for Baby (which is usually pretty close to bath time for Mommy), is his fussiest part of the day. For the last week, possibly longer, he just can't settle down. I spend nearly two hours rocking him, nursing him, changing him again, rocking him some more- and finally he seems to tire out. After all of that, I try to take a bath thinking he might sleep for a couple hours. He usually doesn't.

Last night he fell asleep in my arms quicker than usual, and I laid him down in his cradle sound asleep. I ran the bath, got myself comfortable, and waited expectantly for his cries to ruin the whole thing yet again.

He didn't fuss at all for 35 minutes. When he did finally cry, Hubby was there after only a few blubbers. Baby quieted quickly and I was able to read my magazine in peace for the first time since Baby was born.

I found myself silently happy-crying in the bathroom. Partially crying because I wasn't needed, and crying because Hubby was. Baby has finally started learning that he doesn't need only me, and I'm finally able to have an hour to myself. He's only 10 weeks old, and we are finally having Mommy-Baby separation. There's clearly still some anxiety on both our parts.

I didn't want to stay in the bath all those times he wailed the entire time. I even got out of the tub during one particularly bad one and went to comfort him, only to find Hubby already holding him. It turns out, it is taking me just as long to adjust to being away from Baby as it's taking him to be away from me.

I am incredibly blessed to be able to be home with our little guy. If I had only been offered maternity leave and had to return to the office, I would be bringing him to daycare every day- and we would have had our separation anxiety together a lot sooner.



But for now, Mommy is just behind the bathroom door. That's where I plan to stay for a good long while yet. In the meantime, Daddy is getting the hang of what Baby needs so Mommy can have her precious alone time every once in awhile.

Baby and I are both figuring this thing out together. For now, one hour baths at a time.

Until next time,
Emma Leigh

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