Working While Pregnant
Working in an office while pregnant has some challenges.
For me this came in the form of one of my husband's co-workers, though she can be one-and-the-same with the lady above. She asked repeatedly when and where- clearly implying she expected an invite and wanted to shower us with baby gifts. I'm not really friends with this lady. My husband has worked with her husband for years and her teenage daughter babysat for us with the step kids a few summers ago.
I invited her to the shower anyway as she was just dying to attend. She didn't even RSVP and never showed up. Beware the false excited acquaintances... they like the idea of babies but they aren't really going to be part of the baby's life. I don't hold it against her, it's not like we are close. I could have done without the false enthusiasm though.
Have you ever had pregnancy and newborn infant care "mansplained" to you? I have. My boss was really cool about letting me work remotely after baby comes but he made all the effort in the world to make me think I wasn't going to be able to handle caring for my newborn and also doing my job.
In his defense, I make my job sound a lot more time consuming than it really is most days. But I also didn't appreciate the implied inability to multi-task. I felt my talents and intelligence were being scoffed at- and it's made me all the more determined to produce at the same pace I do now.
How dare he assume my parenting ability is so low. Again, this is a bite your tongue scenario. I let him mansplain parenting to me for nearly 30 minutes because I wanted my remote work approved. Dude has no idea about motherhood, childbirth, breastfeeding, etc. All he knows is what dads experience- and that's definitely not the same.
My other boss took an entirely different approach. He high-fived me when I told him I was pregnant. A little weird from my perspective, but I can see how the inner "frat bro" in him was trying to congratulate me. He was super cool about working lots of flexibility into my schedule so I could come and go for the day at whatever time I needed to work around baby appointments. He let me start working remotely before baby came, and in general has been really chill about the whole process. Too bad everyone can't react in such a nice way.
Last winter one of the other guys in my office became a dad himself. This year a different guy became a first-time dad. Both of them have been super polite and nice about thanking everyone for covering for them while they are on paternity leave and offering helpful comments my way. One even offered me his extra rocking chair as a gift. How sweet, right?
Not all the office people have been rant-inducing in the things they have said or done regarding my pregnancy, but I'm ready to have my body back to normal and my parenthood status not quite so blatantly on display while at work. I'm looking forward to being just another employee again someday.
Have you encountered any strange or uncomfortable interactions while pregnant? Share in the comments below!
Until next time,
Emma Leigh
Now, compared to a lot of other jobs, an office setting where you sit at a desk most of the day isn't too horrible of a job to be at while pregnant. As long as you remember to occasionally get up and walk around, it's pretty manageable.
But this post isn't about the physical issues with working while pregnant. It's my rant about the people.
I like my co-workers in a general sense. My office environment is pretty casual (we can wear jeans and sneakers if we want) and it's a small group (about 15 people) so any issues that arise are often quickly resolved.
But because of this casual atmosphere, which I usually love, almost every co worker has taken it upon themselves to make some awkward comment regarding my new mommy status.
So here's how I'm dealing with the following types of people while pregnant:
The guy who can't remember asking about all the details before
There's a guy in my office who has asked me every week for the past 10 weeks when I'm due and when I'm leaving for maternity leave. Those dates have not changed since I first answered this question. I finally got fed up and wrote in large font on my white board beside my desk when my baby's due date is and when I leave for remote work before baby comes.
I call it my Frequently Asked Questions Board. Now when he asks I just point to it. Without making eye contact I usually say "please reference the FAQs". It's a touch bitchy, but I'm so over answering that question for the same person. It's quite clear he doesn't really require this information, he's just really bad at small talk.
Another stubborn man in my office has been sick for nearly 2 weeks straight. I can hear him all day long at his desk, hacking and coughing. He hasn't taken a single sick day and when I asked him why, his response was "a wise man once said to never take sick days when you're actually sick". Apparently he thinks he should use his sick days for vacations instead- at the health risk to the rest of us.
This man makes me want to scream. IF I CATCH HIS ILLNESS and suffer a really bad fever, my baby could be in danger. And all because this guy thinks he's too good for sick days. Why are men so stupid?
As for advice dealing with this guy, I bite my tongue mostly and wash my hands frequently. I've instituted a "you can only talk to me from 6ft or further away" policy around my desk and have actually slightly yelled at several other infected co-workers. And if you can work remotely from home- I highly recommend this. You can't catch someone's sickness if you aren't exposed to them.
This lady is not over her own dreams of being a mommy and caring for babies. Perhaps she hasn't had any of her own but always wanted some, or maybe she's like mine and reminiscing about when her own children were little.
If you're lucky, she'll ask before touching the baby belly. But she's the one who wants to discuss your symptoms and offer all the unsolicited advice. I recommend being polite but keeping your answers vague if that isn't really something you feel like sharing. I've gotten really good at claiming to feel fine- but trust me, I'm uncomfortable as all hell at this point.
The guy who refuses to take sick days
Another stubborn man in my office has been sick for nearly 2 weeks straight. I can hear him all day long at his desk, hacking and coughing. He hasn't taken a single sick day and when I asked him why, his response was "a wise man once said to never take sick days when you're actually sick". Apparently he thinks he should use his sick days for vacations instead- at the health risk to the rest of us.
This man makes me want to scream. IF I CATCH HIS ILLNESS and suffer a really bad fever, my baby could be in danger. And all because this guy thinks he's too good for sick days. Why are men so stupid?
As for advice dealing with this guy, I bite my tongue mostly and wash my hands frequently. I've instituted a "you can only talk to me from 6ft or further away" policy around my desk and have actually slightly yelled at several other infected co-workers. And if you can work remotely from home- I highly recommend this. You can't catch someone's sickness if you aren't exposed to them.
The lady who is SO excited about your cute baby bump
This lady is not over her own dreams of being a mommy and caring for babies. Perhaps she hasn't had any of her own but always wanted some, or maybe she's like mine and reminiscing about when her own children were little.
If you're lucky, she'll ask before touching the baby belly. But she's the one who wants to discuss your symptoms and offer all the unsolicited advice. I recommend being polite but keeping your answers vague if that isn't really something you feel like sharing. I've gotten really good at claiming to feel fine- but trust me, I'm uncomfortable as all hell at this point.
The lady who absolutely wants to attend the baby shower
For me this came in the form of one of my husband's co-workers, though she can be one-and-the-same with the lady above. She asked repeatedly when and where- clearly implying she expected an invite and wanted to shower us with baby gifts. I'm not really friends with this lady. My husband has worked with her husband for years and her teenage daughter babysat for us with the step kids a few summers ago.
I invited her to the shower anyway as she was just dying to attend. She didn't even RSVP and never showed up. Beware the false excited acquaintances... they like the idea of babies but they aren't really going to be part of the baby's life. I don't hold it against her, it's not like we are close. I could have done without the false enthusiasm though.
The boss who feigns understanding
Have you ever had pregnancy and newborn infant care "mansplained" to you? I have. My boss was really cool about letting me work remotely after baby comes but he made all the effort in the world to make me think I wasn't going to be able to handle caring for my newborn and also doing my job.
In his defense, I make my job sound a lot more time consuming than it really is most days. But I also didn't appreciate the implied inability to multi-task. I felt my talents and intelligence were being scoffed at- and it's made me all the more determined to produce at the same pace I do now.
How dare he assume my parenting ability is so low. Again, this is a bite your tongue scenario. I let him mansplain parenting to me for nearly 30 minutes because I wanted my remote work approved. Dude has no idea about motherhood, childbirth, breastfeeding, etc. All he knows is what dads experience- and that's definitely not the same.
The boss who is actually really cool about the pregnancy announcement
My other boss took an entirely different approach. He high-fived me when I told him I was pregnant. A little weird from my perspective, but I can see how the inner "frat bro" in him was trying to congratulate me. He was super cool about working lots of flexibility into my schedule so I could come and go for the day at whatever time I needed to work around baby appointments. He let me start working remotely before baby came, and in general has been really chill about the whole process. Too bad everyone can't react in such a nice way.
The other new parents
Last winter one of the other guys in my office became a dad himself. This year a different guy became a first-time dad. Both of them have been super polite and nice about thanking everyone for covering for them while they are on paternity leave and offering helpful comments my way. One even offered me his extra rocking chair as a gift. How sweet, right?
Not all the office people have been rant-inducing in the things they have said or done regarding my pregnancy, but I'm ready to have my body back to normal and my parenthood status not quite so blatantly on display while at work. I'm looking forward to being just another employee again someday.
Have you encountered any strange or uncomfortable interactions while pregnant? Share in the comments below!
Until next time,
Emma Leigh
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